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Love Anymore [BETTER]


For some people, falling out of love with their jobs can turn into a pattern of self-sabotage. They may not even realize that they are doing it until they have received reprimands from superiors, missed deadlines, or called in sick a little too much.




Love Anymore


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If you suspect that your wife no longer feels love for you, this can be a painful and isolating realization. It can put the continuation of your marriage in question, and the possibility of losing your partner in view.


Maybe this heart-wrenching thought has crossed your mind recently. If so, there are two things to recognize right way: First, even though there may be some signs your husband isn't in love with you, you can't know for sure until you actually talk to him about what's going on. There may be an infinite number of reasons your husband might feel distant or seem unloving at the moment, even though he may still be in love with you.


People are generally affectionate with the people they love, and the sudden or gradual disappearance of that affection may be the first sign that a person is falling out of love. "A big sign is when he stops doing the little things that he did 'just because,'" marriage therapist Racine Henry, Ph.D., LMFT, tells mbg. "Has he stopped making you coffee in the morning or bringing you flowers on a random Tuesday?"


Note: Different people may express love in different ways (hence, the five love languages), so a lack of gifts or kisses alone doesn't necessarily mean your husband doesn't love you. It's a change in behavior and a decrease in previously present forms of affection to look out for. "A change in routine can be a glaring clue that his feelings have changed," Henry says.


"For some, a shift in libido can also be a sign that love is waning," clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., adds, though of course there can be many reasons a husband doesn't want sex other than a lack of love.


Note: Sometimes people go through phases of being too stressed, distracted, or simply disconnected such that they're simply not feeling particularly chatty after a long day of work. So talking a little less than you have in the past doesn't necessarily mean your husband isn't in love with you anymore, especially if it's only a recent or temporary phase.


Is your husband as concerned as you are in maintaining the relationship and making sure the two of you are feeling connected and secure? "In some cases, a husband may tire of the investment required to keep a relationship healthy and fulfilling," Manly says, which could be a sign that he's not as invested or may be falling out of love.


If your husband says he is not in love with you, it's important to critically consider what you want to do and how you want to move forward. Importantly, the marriage doesn't have to be over if your husband is willing to work through this with you and wants to find ways to fall in love all over again.


According to Henry, it's about recognizing the difference between being in love and loving someone. "Being in love doesn't equate to whether you love someone or not. I think being in love can be an ebb and flow, whereas loving someone should be more constant," she explains. "The marriage doesn't have to be over because feelings have changed. I think it's unrealistic to expect that the intensity or level of feeling will be the same over time because circumstances can have negative impacts on the relationship."


If you're worried that your husband is no longer in love with you, the first thing to do is get clarity on where this story is coming from. What dynamics are you observing in the relationship? What feelings are you experiencing, and what behaviors are triggering them? "Assess where these feelings are coming from and figure out if this is a real or perceived change," Henry says. "Try to come up with concrete examples that demonstrate the changes you are feeling."


"If your husband is game for working on the marriage, that's a terrific sign. Unless one or both partners are unwilling to work on the marriage (including attending therapy), returning to a place where both partners feel loved and valued is truly possible," Manly notes.


Keep in mind: Your husband will need to make efforts to make sure you feel loved and secure going forward, but likewise, there may be changes you need to make too. "If there are areas where you feel you could improve (e.g., being more communicative), do your best to evolve in that way," she says. "No matter what, any self-work you do will benefit your mental and emotional health in the long run."


While there may be many clues that signal your husband isn't in love with you anymore, you can only know by having a direct conversation about it. If it turns out to be true, it's up to both of you what comes next: You can choose to work on rebuilding your marriage, or you can choose to leave it. Both options are valid and both can be healthy paths forward.


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Women can and do fall out of love. Love is not some fixed quality like having an arm or a head. It can come and go. Which also means that it can come back again. Knowing the factors that lead to both can help you to: 1) make sure your wife does not fall out of love with you, and 2) help her to fall in love with you again.


In over 20 years of reconciling relationships, I have yet to find a woman tell her husband that she is not in love with him anymore in order to get him to do anything but give up on their relationship.


Accepting the reality of what she is saying can help you to avoid making mistakes that will only lead to her further rejecting you. Many men, after hearing their wives say they are not in love with them anymore, start to turn on the charm and shower their wives with love and affection. This goes over about as well as trying to feed broccoli to cats.


Be very careful about following any books that encourage you to just love, love, love your wife at this time. That will not only lead to you being rejected, it will ultimately make you feel like giving up, when there are still much more effective things you can do. Usually, you can still do the regular maintenance things that help wives to love their husbands.


When that reason no longer exists (e.g. children are grown), there will be no more reasons to stay together. Most of the time, when women say they are not in love with their husbands, their husbands also did not feel in love until their wives said this.


Think about the man your wife fell in love with long ago. Are you still that man? Many times what attracted a woman to her husband the most has not been present for years. It may have been the way he made her a priority, or it may have been characteristics like his being social and successful.


Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.


3. The idea of meeting them doesn't excite you anymore, even if it's after a long time and we're talking months here. You don't feel the urge to see them anymore. Gone are those days when you'd take the train even on a rainy day just to meet her over a cup of coffee and talk to her about anything and everything under the sun. Now, you're always secretly hoping the date gets cancelled because you'd much rather be doing something you really enjoy.


5. Remember how you did all you could to make her smile when she was upset about something? You've kinda forgotten what it felt like to be that concerned. Arguments and fights are often left unresolved now. You're not in a hurry to mend things anymore. You're fed up of trying to make it work, so you just let things be; you don't ask her if she's fine anymore, you don't try to cheer her up, you 'give her space', you let her cry to sleep, because putting in more efforts just sounds like an ordeal now.


6. You don't like listening to her anymore. You don't want to know what she did at work, why she fought with her mom, the new dress she bought or how she's been feeling lately. You don't want to have conversations. You don't want to know anything anymore. Those nights you spent just talking over the phone, listening to each other's voice, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears seem like a distant dream now. Missed calls and unread messages don't seem to bother you anymore. You just want to hang up the moment she starts talking. 041b061a72


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